Pirate's Privacy/Transcript
(The episode starts with Ziggy sitting on the island. TJ Foxx comes up, much to Ziggy's annoyance) *'TJ': Hey, Zig-Zag! *'Ziggy': Oh, go walk the plank, TJ. *'TJ': Hey Zig-Zag, I challenge you! *'Ziggy': Challenge you to what? *'TJ': To test your endurance, to test your courage and will, to test your strengh of being Captain. *'Ziggy': I'm not in the mood for games, TJ. Besides, what kind of challenge is this? *'TJ': See how much you can drink coconut milk. *'Ziggy': Um, Triton, though we have to stay out of each other's hair, TJ's trying to... *'Triton': Kid, I wouldn't do that if I were you. *'Ziggy': Gee, I would love to, but Triton says that I... *'TJ': But Triton says nothing! Unless you want your stuff thrown to the sea, you better accept my challenge! And win it! *'Triton': No good can come of this. *'Ziggy': Nothing can prevent me from winning this contest! Ha-har, shiver my timbers! You're on, TJ! *(Transition to Ziggy and TJ in front of a bunch of coconuts.) *'Pipsqueak': Ready, steady, and go! *(Ziggy and TJ start drinking coconut milk.) *'Ziggy': I bet I can drink more than you! *'TJ': Oh yeah? Well, this is my first one. *(TJ and Ziggy continue drinking coconut milk in a montage, until Ziggy and TJ sit there, with various empty coconuts, breathless) *'Pipsqueak': And it's a tie between Ziggy and TJ 49-49. *(Pipsqueak rolls out a large coconut, about twice his size.) *'Pipsqueak': Unless, someone wants to drink out of this big boy. *'TJ': Oh, Zig-Zag, do you want your stuff thrown to the sea or not? *(Ziggy runs up and takes the large coconut from TJ. He then drinks out of the coconut.) *'Pipsqueak': And Ziggy wins, 50-49! *'TJ': Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no! *(Pipsqueak and Ziggy walk back to where the latter was earlier.) *'Ziggy': Now that I've won the coconut milk contest, TJ's gonna be out of my hair, and I'll have nothing to worry about for the rest of the day. (starts dancing as he has his hands pressed against the front of himself and crosses his legs) On second thought... *'Triton': What's wrong, Ziggy? *'Ziggy': I need to go! *'Triton': Go? Where? *'Ziggy': You know, go! *'Pipsqueak': Uh, Triton? *'Triton': Yes, Pipsqueak? *'Pipsqueak': (whispers) I think he needs the bathroom. You see, he's doing the dance. *'Triton': Oh, that kind of "go!" *(Ziggy wanders around, dancing.) *'Ziggy': Where is the bathroom? *'Triton': I'm sorry, Captain, but there are no bathrooms for miles. We are on the island of Uninhabited! *(a bird call is heard.) *'Ziggy': I don't get it. *'Pipsqueak': You go on the island, Ziggy. *'Ziggy': Here? *'Triton': Here. *'Pipsqueak': It's all part of the "roughing it" experience. *'Ziggy': No way! I need privacy, and a real toilet! *'Triton': I can't help you with the real toilet, but I can find you some privacy. Come on! *(Triton flies off, with Ziggy following behind as "Round and Round the Island We Go" plays.) *'Triton': ♪Me and Ziggy're off on a quest♪ *'Ziggy and Triton': ♪Round and round the island we go!♪ *'Ziggy': ♪To find a bathroom, that's part of the test♪ *'Ziggy and Triton': ♪Round and round the island we go!♪ *(Triton and Ziggy are trying to find a bathroom as they find a tree with Bobby on it.) *'Triton': How about here, kid? *'Ziggy': Excuse me, Bobby, but can you give your Captain some privacy? *(The rest of Bobby's family comes in.) *'Ziggy': Arr... *(Cut to Triton and Ziggy finding another tree.) *'Triton': This looks like a good spot. *'Ziggy': I guess... *(The tree falls down as it is revealed that Piper was pecking it down.) *'Ziggy': Grrrrr, thanks a lot, Piper! *(Cut to Triton and Ziggy finding a patch of tall grass.) *'Triton': I think you can go now. *(A telescope pops out of the tall grass.) *'Ziggy': That telescope is looking at me! *(Ziggy and Triton run offscreen as Ali pops out of the grass.) *'Ali': I just wanted to say hi. *(Cut to Triton and Ziggy finding a rock.) *'Triton': I guarantee you that this has privacy. *(Phillip climbs up to the rock.) *'Ziggy': Hey Trition, next time, you should keep your mouth shut. (to Phillip) Are you going to be there all day? *(Phillip decides to sunbathe on the rock.) *'Ziggy': Oh! *(Transition to Ziggy and Triton going back up to Pipsqueak. Furball is also present, spraying water onto himself) *'Ziggy': Oooh! This is infuriating! Everywhere I try to go, there's always someone or something looking at me! When are they going to learn to respect their pirate's privacy? *'Pipsqueak': Then why don't you just go in the ocean, Zi-gato? The world's biggest toilet is right out there! *'Furball': Ziggy, you better not go where I have my baths! *(Furball sprays water onto himself.) *'Ziggy': Oh! Ew, no! *'Pipsqueak': What do you mean, ew, no? Lots of pirates have used the ocean as a toilet. *'Furball': I ha-ha-ha--(coughs) Hair. I don't. *'Triton': He has a point. *'Ziggy': Well, that's not happening. I just want to respect water, not go in water. *'Triton': Ziggy, why don't you want to go on the island? *'Ziggy': Because it's not natural! The world is not my toilet! *'Triton': Captain, have you ever gone in nature before? *'Ziggy': No, not at all. I was always too shy to go around others. *'Triton': Then what did you do when you were out exploring? *'Ziggy': I either tried not to drink anything, or held it in until I got back to the ship. That's why everyone called me House-Hogger, 'cause I usually went to the outhouse after an adventure. *(Flashback to Ziggy entering the ship's outhouse.) *'Ziggy': (sigh of relief) *'Lenny': Hurry up in there, Ziggy! *(Dissolve back to the present day.) *'Ziggy': But now that I have no ship, and I'm on this island, I guess I have no choice... *''(Triton tries to lead Ziggy over to a bush.) *'Triton': Here's a bush, kid. Go water that bush! *'Ziggy': No, no, no, no, no! That bush has poisonous leaves! I know because one time, while we were exploring on another island, Pipsqueak had to go, so he went behind here, and by the time we got back to the ship, he was itching up a storm! *'Pipsqueak': I thought we agreed never to mention this again! *'Ziggy': Now where could a bathroom be? *(''Ziggy scans the island until he finds a palm tree with a bush.) *'Ziggy': Yes! *'Triton': Getting all excited, Captain? *'Ziggy': I think I finally found a bathroom! I'll be right back, and don't you dare look! *'Triton': Okay, then! *(Ziggy walks up to the palm tree and attempts to use it, until TJ pops out.) *'TJ': Hey, Zig-Zag! Hope your guts explode and spill all over the place! *'Ziggy': Out of my way, Total Jerk! Can't you see I'm trying to go here? *'TJ': Sorry, you pathetic loser, but this is not your island, nor is this your pee spot. *'Ziggy': Ooh! TJ, I am not in the mood with your games! Either I go behind there or I go all over you! This entire coconut milk contest was all your fault anyway. *'TJ': Are you sure it's my fault you have to pee? *'Ziggy': Please, don't you dare say that word. *'TJ': Pee. *'Ziggy': Oooh! *'TJ': (laughs) I'm enjoying every second of this. *'Ali': (o.s.) Hey, TJ, fetch! *'TJ': Fetch what? *(Ali steals TJ's crutch, causing him to fall over. She then throws it far into the island.) *'TJ': Why, you! *(TJ runs off to retrieve his crutch.) *'Ziggy': Hey, Ali. I can't stop and chat right now. *'Ali': I was rating everyone on a scale of one to ten, and guess what? You're an eight! *'Ziggy': Ooooh! *'Ali': What's the matter? *'Ziggy': I just have to go! *'Ali': Then why don't you just go? *'Ziggy': I need privacy. *'Ali': Just go deep in the jungle. I promise not to go after you. *'Ziggy': O-o-okay, then. *(Ziggy runs off.) *(Transition to Ziggy all the way in the island's jungle. Ziggy finds a tree and is going to use it.) *'Ziggy': Oh, this looks like a good spot. No disturbances, and no one's going to... *(Ooki climbs down just as Ziggy unzips his pants and is prepared to use it.) *'Ziggy': ...look. Gee, I should keep my mouth shut. If Ooki looks at me right in the eyes, I'll get locked into his stare! *(Ziggy closes his eyes, looks away, and he tries to use the tree, but nothing is happening.) *'Ziggy': I'm sure something would happen eventually. *'Narrator': 45 minutes later... *(Ziggy is still closing his eyes and looking away as he tries to use the tree, to no avail.) *'Ziggy': Stupid, stupid, shy bladder! *(Ziggy zips his pants back up and turns to Ooki, and the latter locks him into his stare anyway.) *'Ziggy': Closing my eyes didn't work! I better go somewhere else! *(Ziggy runs off, with Ooki in hot pursuit, and a song begins.) *'Ziggy': ♪Triton said I shouldn't drink coconuts by the load, and I guess I didn't listen well.♪ *(Ziggy tries to go behind various things in the jungle, such as a rock, a tree, and a bush, but Ooki keeps staring at him.) *'Ziggy': ♪Cause I ended up here, and it's true that I feared, 'cause I really gotta whiz like heck!♪ *''(Ziggy stops and dances''.) *'Ziggy': ♪I need to take a pee pee, take a pee pee!♪ *(Ziggy crosses a steam with a waterfall in front of it.) *'Ziggy': ♪Don't let the sound of pourin' water drive me crazy!♪ *(Ziggy runs through the jungle.) *'Ziggy': ♪I'm not feeling so darn great! Don't say "I told you so," mate! Just find a place to urinate, so I can take a pee pee!♪ *(Ziggy stops just in front of a coconut tree.) *'Ziggy': Yes! Now with Ooki out of the way and no one watching me... *(Ooki drops a coconut from a tree.) *'Ziggy': I just have to (the coconut falls onto his head) go... (he falls unconscious as the screen fades to black.) *'Triton': (o/s) Ziggy? *(Ziggy awakens to see Triton in front of him.) *'Triton': Ziggy? *'Ziggy': Oh, boy. Did I go yet? *'Triton': No, and speaking of "going," I told you and TJ that drinking so much coconut milk was a bad idea! *'Ziggy': Ooh, yes! Sorry that I didn't listen to you when TJ was trying to challenge me, but I didn't want me stuff in the sea! Ooh, no, I can't think of water! Are you still going to help me find a bathroom? *'Triton': Of course! Maybe Honest Snake knows where a suitable place for you to go is. After all, he's always honest! *(Honest Snake comes up to the two, while Ziggy is dancing.) *'Honest Snake': What seems to be the matter, you two? *'Ziggy': I gotta gooooooo! *'Honest Snake': Based on your movements, I know exactly what you need, Captain! You need to pee, to wee, to piddle, to tiddle... *'Ziggy': Ooooh, please stop talking! *'Honest Snake': Would you like me to stop? I apologize. *'Ziggy': There's a bathroom! Now don't look! *(Ziggy walks over to a cave to go. Honest Snake and Triton take notice.) *'Honest Snake': Wait, that's my den! He's using my cave as a toilet! *'Triton': Ziggy, no! *(Triton flies to Ziggy and tackles him.) *'Triton': Ziggy. *'Ziggy': I guess I'm in trouble. *'Triton': I understand you need to go, but we don't ever use someone else's property as a toilet. *(Triton drags Ziggy away.) *'Ziggy': That was inappropriate, I apologize. *'Honest Snake': Pirates! *(Transition to Ziggy and Triton with Sam and Ham.) *'Ziggy': Ugh, I really have to go! can you at least tell me how I can have access to privacy? *'Sam': Oooh, ooh, ooh, we know, we know, we know, we know! *(Sam and Ham draw in the sand.) *'Ham': We can summon a potty wizard from the caves underground. *'Sam': Then, we can tell him that you needs to go, which will make him poof up a bathroom. *'Sam and Ham': So you can finally go! *'Ziggy': Aye, that's a great idea. Unfortunately, potty wizards don't exist. *'Sam and Ham': Aw, sea shells! *'Ziggy': If I don't find a private place soon, I'm going to explode! *(Tag tags him on the shoulder.) *'Tag': Tag! You're the letter "P!" *'Ziggy': Ooooh-hoo-hoo! *'Tag': What's wrong, Ziggy? *'Ziggy': I really have to go! Can you help me find a place that has complete privacy? *'Tag': Sure! Hop on my back! *(Ziggy hops onto Tag's back.) *'Ziggy': Go, Tag, go! *(Tag begins running, making this a bumpy ride for Ziggy.) *'Ziggy': Whoa, whoa, whoa! Too bumpy, too bumpy! *'Tag': You want me to stop? Okay! *(Ziggy and Tag stop.) *'Ziggy': Arr, we're back where I started. *'Tag': And there's TJ right next to that palm tree. If we can get him out of the way, maybe you can use it! *'Ziggy': But when people are around me, I always get shy! *'Tag': C'mon, Captain, you can't be so shy! After all, it's all part of the "roughing it" experience! *'Ziggy': You're right, Tag! I can't be so shy! I'll use this tree, but you better not look! *'Tag': Okay! *(Ziggy runs up to the tree, pushes TJ out of the way, and unzips his pants.) *'Ziggy': Move over, TJ! *(Ziggy goes to the bathroom on the tree and sighs of relief.) *'Ziggy': Hey, maybe watering the tree isn't so bad after all! *'TJ': Hey, Zig-Zag, you pig, you've sprung a leak! Ha ha! *(Ziggy turns and changes his aim towards TJ.) *'TJ': Hey! Watch where you're aiming at, nature boy! *(Ziggy turns and changes his aim back to the tree.) *'Ziggy': Oh, ohhh! *(Transition to Tag waiting for Ziggy while talking to his friends.) *'Tag': ...and now he's behind that tree! Gosh, I wonder how he's doing. *'Triton': I wonder if he got over being shy! *'Ziggy': I'm finished! *(Ziggy triumphantly walks out from behind the bush and zips his pants up, having used the palm tree.) *'Triton': Bravo! Well done, Captain! *'Ziggy': I did it, and best of all, I'm not shy anymore! *'Pipsqueak': I told you it was all part of the "roughing it" experience. *'Ziggy': TJ tried to sneak up on me, but other than that, I had complete privacy! *'Tag': How'd you get him away? *'Ziggy': Oh, um, natural means. *(Triton nudges Ziggy with his fist.) *'Triton': Way to go, Ziggy! *'Ziggy': Way to go, indeed! *(Ziggy smiles.) Category:Transcripts Category:Stranded: The Series transcripts